Tim Hinck's thoughts on music and life- There is a lady living across the street from me. She is dying of cancer. I have never seen anyone so full of life and energy. She loves to work outside in the flowers and grass of her yard. I can see her savoring every sunny day... the way she stands up from planting a flower bulb with such satisfaction on her face and claps the dirt from her gloves with resolution. I want to be like that lady.

Location: Schalkwijk, Utrecht, Netherlands

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Death in the Family

(sketch: My friend Jennifer sent me a picture of her painting her first sunset. i made this sketch of her, but in my sketch she is painting a person who is fading away....)

Death is so weird... sometimes you can't really feel sad or glad. it's like losing a game that you never thought you'd win anyway. you can be mad about it, but of course there's nothing you can do anyway. it's such a strange phenomenon of life.. as i know more and more people who die, it's like they are just getting erased, deleted. this week one of my childhood pals shot himself in his bedroom. i spent a lot of time in that room playing with toys and laughing with him (his name is Wade). since he wasn't a famous guy, or very rich, i don't think he will get a big state funeral, so i thought i'd dedicate this entry in my blog to him in loving memory...

Wade was a fun kid who lived down my street and I knew him from when he was about 10 years old. he looked like bart simpson with spikey hair and he was also getting in trouble and making fun of people all the time. one day he asked me to come with him to a neighbor's house and swim. it was a hot summer day, and the pool was so perfectly still... like solid glass, and we just had to jump in disrupt it. there were a bunch of other neighbor kids there and we were noisy and breaking every one of the pool rules: "no running, no pushing, no diving, no food" while we were horsing around in the water i accidentally busted Wade's lip open and that stopped the fun. i remember leaving the other kids and walking him home while he bled everywhere. we sat on his front step while the bleeding stopped and i told him i was sorry. he said, "that's okay" but i knew he was angry. he had a dog named oreo (i think) who was exactly like her master. every time Wade and Oreo showed up at my front door, I'd go play with them. i liked to go to Wade's house. his mom smoked a really sweet-peppermint type of cigarette and the air-conditioning was always on high, so the place had a very "cool" atmosphere. we drank a lot of dr. pepper and played a lot of nintendo. the last time i saw Wade, was right before i moved away. he was probably 16 and he had changed a lot. he looked the same, but the evil-mischievous grin was gone, and he seemed tired. he looked like a kid who finally realized that he wanted other things in life besides dr. pepper and nintendo, but he didn't know how to get them. he looked like that guy who only once got up the courage to ask the pretty girl out and was rejected. but for most of his life, anyway, he was that fast-talking, energetic kid that you can't help fall in love with.

my mom told me this morning that he was dead, and all keeps running through my head is "oh my God, bart simpson killed himself". i am sad, i don't know what to think.


Blogger At night His song is with me said...

Hey Tim. Sorry to hear about your friend. I haven't had a friend of mine die yet really, so I can't relate. But you're right in saying that we can't really do anything about it now. And yet you kind of did by dedicating such a cool entry to your pal. I appreciated it, so it did something small at least. Like your sketches too. Have a great week, Tim. Chris

4/12/2006 9:40 AM  
Blogger Ijsbreker said...

Chris, thanks for the encouragement. i think we'll all figure out this death thing someday. i'm just about to read your blog about brazil. my mother and her whole family is from Rio. i'm hoping to go there within the next few years. peace out, tim

4/13/2006 2:33 AM  
Blogger An Enlightened Fellow said...

It's kind of tough to think anything when things like this happen. There's not much point to asking "why?" because there are no sufficient explanations. I think you're right though, someday we probably will figure out this death thing, even if not until after it happens to us.

4/16/2006 1:25 AM  
Blogger Ijsbreker said...

by the way, thanks so much for all your emails and comments. mourning the loss is so much easier with good friends.

4/19/2006 8:51 AM  

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